Post by Silverfire on Apr 11, 2023 11:38:01 GMT -6
And you’re never coming back and I’m not okay with that
Cinderfeather shifted uneasily as she stared at the nursery, her ears pinned against her head. A storm of emotions swirled in her chest. It had been barely a moon since the death of Lightningflash and Sandypaw.
It felt as if her world had been tilted upside down. Sure, learning Blazingstorm had cheated on her had hurt, but that had nothing on this. She felt lonelier than ever. No matter how Thunderfoot tried to comfort her. No matter how much she tried to comfort Streampaw and Snailpaw and Slushpaw. No matter how many herbs Shadepool gave her. She just felt… empty. Numb. Like she was the only cat in existence.
Then, she had learned that Willowshine was pregnant with Blazingstorm’s kits. That had sparked a new emotion in her, one she couldn’t pin down exactly. It was something she didn’t have the mental capacity to identify yet. Still, it was that unnamed emotion that drove her to stand right in front of the nursery, squirrel clenched so tightly between her teeth that she had completely pierced through the skin of its scruff.
Looking into the nursery, she could all but see Lightningkit and Sandykit in the shadows of the den, tumbling and charging after moss balls. She saw them a lot lately, actually. Be it in her dreams or in the corners of her vision, she could barely go a pawful of sunrises between seeing them again.
The dreams were always the worse. Seeing her kits out of the corner of her vision, she could handle. It was hard, yes, but not impossible. Hearing them scream for her in her dreams, however, that ruined her.
Sometimes they were in the battle, being slaughtered by LichenClan cats and rogues who invaded the camp and held her down as she was forced to watch her daughters’ throats get torn out. Sometimes it was the blizzard, and Cinderfeather found herself chasing echoes of their cries until she literally tripped over their decaying bodies.
Sometimes it was all her kits. All seven of them. Sometimes it was Smokestorm’s kits, or even Smokestorm himself. Sometimes it was even Thunderfoot.
The worst dreams were the ones where Thunderfoot cheated on her, just like Blazingstorm had done, literally stepping over the rotting, putrid corpses of their daughters to reach Featherfox.
Sleep was in short supply for her, no matter how many poppy seeds Shadepool tried to give her. No matter how much she tried to tire herself out. Every night was the same. A few hours of sleep before she was forced to see death and was awoken by her own claws digging into her skull, nearly piercing the skin.
Perhaps it was that exhaustion that led her to walk into the nursery, pushing through the wispy half-visions of her deceased children as she entered the den. Green eyes locked on Willowshine’s form and the four kits at her belly.
Blazingstorm was nowhere to be found. Probably off gallivanting with another she-cat in order to avoid his responsibilities. Their talk two moons ago had ended with some level of reconciliation, yes, but no matter how much he apologized, there was no way he had changed. After all, Willowshine had padded after him just like she had.
She had to wonder what the tortoiseshell tom had told her to convince her to mate with him. That he loved her? That he was sorry? She thought the silver torbie was smart enough to not fall for his honeyed words, but it seemed that he was still too persuasive.
Padding towards the molly, Cinderfeather dipped her head in greeting before dropping the squirrel at her paws. Empty green eyes gazed upon the four kits, lingering for just a moment too long at the little silver torbie molly. The one who looked almost like Strawberrykit.
“I brought you something to eat,” she said, voice small and frail.
She could feel Lightningkit and Sandykit at her paws.
“They’re… they’re cute,” she continued, taking a steadying breath. “What are their names?” She asked, forcing herself to look at Willowshine.
She looked so different from when she had visited Cinderfeather, Fernkit, and Foxkit all those moons ago. So… innocent.
Anger bubbled in her gut. Willowshine had been the one to tell her about Blazingstorm’s cheating. It made sense that he’d try to court her next. That he’d trick her. After all, if he could convince the molly who had found him cheating that he had changed, then the clan would probably accept it. They’d believe he had changed. But it didn’t matter. Cinderfeather saw through his ruse, and she was more than willing to speak out about it.
She was going to save Willowshine. She was going to make her see how much of a liar Blazingstorm was.
She saw Lightningkit and Sandykit looking at her out of the corner of her vision.
It felt as if her world had been tilted upside down. Sure, learning Blazingstorm had cheated on her had hurt, but that had nothing on this. She felt lonelier than ever. No matter how Thunderfoot tried to comfort her. No matter how much she tried to comfort Streampaw and Snailpaw and Slushpaw. No matter how many herbs Shadepool gave her. She just felt… empty. Numb. Like she was the only cat in existence.
Then, she had learned that Willowshine was pregnant with Blazingstorm’s kits. That had sparked a new emotion in her, one she couldn’t pin down exactly. It was something she didn’t have the mental capacity to identify yet. Still, it was that unnamed emotion that drove her to stand right in front of the nursery, squirrel clenched so tightly between her teeth that she had completely pierced through the skin of its scruff.
Looking into the nursery, she could all but see Lightningkit and Sandykit in the shadows of the den, tumbling and charging after moss balls. She saw them a lot lately, actually. Be it in her dreams or in the corners of her vision, she could barely go a pawful of sunrises between seeing them again.
The dreams were always the worse. Seeing her kits out of the corner of her vision, she could handle. It was hard, yes, but not impossible. Hearing them scream for her in her dreams, however, that ruined her.
Sometimes they were in the battle, being slaughtered by LichenClan cats and rogues who invaded the camp and held her down as she was forced to watch her daughters’ throats get torn out. Sometimes it was the blizzard, and Cinderfeather found herself chasing echoes of their cries until she literally tripped over their decaying bodies.
Sometimes it was all her kits. All seven of them. Sometimes it was Smokestorm’s kits, or even Smokestorm himself. Sometimes it was even Thunderfoot.
The worst dreams were the ones where Thunderfoot cheated on her, just like Blazingstorm had done, literally stepping over the rotting, putrid corpses of their daughters to reach Featherfox.
Sleep was in short supply for her, no matter how many poppy seeds Shadepool tried to give her. No matter how much she tried to tire herself out. Every night was the same. A few hours of sleep before she was forced to see death and was awoken by her own claws digging into her skull, nearly piercing the skin.
Perhaps it was that exhaustion that led her to walk into the nursery, pushing through the wispy half-visions of her deceased children as she entered the den. Green eyes locked on Willowshine’s form and the four kits at her belly.
Blazingstorm was nowhere to be found. Probably off gallivanting with another she-cat in order to avoid his responsibilities. Their talk two moons ago had ended with some level of reconciliation, yes, but no matter how much he apologized, there was no way he had changed. After all, Willowshine had padded after him just like she had.
She had to wonder what the tortoiseshell tom had told her to convince her to mate with him. That he loved her? That he was sorry? She thought the silver torbie was smart enough to not fall for his honeyed words, but it seemed that he was still too persuasive.
Padding towards the molly, Cinderfeather dipped her head in greeting before dropping the squirrel at her paws. Empty green eyes gazed upon the four kits, lingering for just a moment too long at the little silver torbie molly. The one who looked almost like Strawberrykit.
“I brought you something to eat,” she said, voice small and frail.
She could feel Lightningkit and Sandykit at her paws.
“They’re… they’re cute,” she continued, taking a steadying breath. “What are their names?” She asked, forcing herself to look at Willowshine.
She looked so different from when she had visited Cinderfeather, Fernkit, and Foxkit all those moons ago. So… innocent.
Anger bubbled in her gut. Willowshine had been the one to tell her about Blazingstorm’s cheating. It made sense that he’d try to court her next. That he’d trick her. After all, if he could convince the molly who had found him cheating that he had changed, then the clan would probably accept it. They’d believe he had changed. But it didn’t matter. Cinderfeather saw through his ruse, and she was more than willing to speak out about it.
She was going to save Willowshine. She was going to make her see how much of a liar Blazingstorm was.
She saw Lightningkit and Sandykit looking at her out of the corner of her vision.
word count: 821 words | notes:
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