lostgaze

thistleclan

a stocky blue tom with one peridot eye

In size and shape, Lostgaze mirrors his late father as a perfect match. He is big-boned and stocky, with square shoulders and a broad, heart-shaped head. His tail is shorter than average and blunted, his paws wide and sturdy, and his legs thick. Weight gained is transformed into muscle rather than fat, bulking him in density but not around the middle as much as in his neck, shoulders, and thighs.

Lostgaze's fur is distinctive in appearance, a match for his father's visible even in his younger years. His pelt is solid slate blue, with silvery-tipped fur that gives the tom a shimmery, halo-like appearance. His fur is short and sleek, perfect for slinking beneath ThistleClan brambles without catching on thorns.

Bright green upward turned peridot eye is piercing when his stare sets. His ears are large and forward-facing on the corners of his wide, flattened forehead. His muzzle is boxy but narrowed, his mouth and nose small and distinct on his face. His cheekbones extend down to his jaw, precise and defined. His nose and paw pads are a deep charcoal grey color, as is the interior of his ears.

Lostgaze was renamed as an apprentice for the scars that litter the left side of his face and body. He lacks his left eye, the flesh surrounding the sunken pit warped and pale with scarring. His ear is lacerated with bite marks, and his cheek is sunken where the skin was torn. The damage continues down his neck and towards his shoulder, where fur begins to regrow but not entirely hide the injury. Lostgaze walks with a limp due to muscle damage in his shoulder and left foreleg.

Lostgaze has a distinct brave streak that gets him in trouble. He does not seek the pleasure of it, but never shys away from the threat of pain or suffering. While not necessarily reckless, he is willing to take chances more than is safe. Despite the pressures that he might face, he is loose in his approach enough to get out of most of the sticky situations he finds herself in. When one option fails, he has 10 more to fall back on. The same goes for his relationships with others, as socially he is somewhat non-committal but very good at adjusting to others shifting attitudes.


Learning from an early age that if he wants anything in life, he will have to get it himself has led Lostgaze to be extraordinarily self-sufficient. He relies on no one if he can help it and takes steps to succeed with his own four feet. Nothing can hold him back when he sets his mind on something achievable. This is not to say that he is entirely happy on his lonesome, but he is capable of setting himself right with the correct initiative. Despite the fact that he thinks himself responsible for keeping himself safe, he has a kindness for others that is unwavering and stubborn. He is inclined to be helpful and generous, and rarely acts entirely selfishly if it might hurt another.


While Lostgaze would never wish anything vile upon his clanmates out loud, he does have a tendency to become weighed down with resentment when he is bettered. He has a very low self-worth and believes that most of the time, the individuals he envies most are given status or good den arrangements because they earned it. More than their material posessions or social standing, he envies their strength and their charisma, wishing he could find it within himself to be equally impressive. He is pretty sure that the worst day of his life has already come and gone. He wallows in self-pity, largely unknowingly, desperate to find something worth devoting himself to and yet finding the world repeatedly not something he wants to invest in.

Father: Graygaze (@ bombora)
Mother: Squirreltail (@ raven)
Littermates: Blackfrost (@ wish) and Silver (@ egotistic)


Bluekit was not forged from a union of love. Instead, he was created for a purpose in specific, one that he seeks nothing more than to fulfill. He exists to strengthen ThistleClan from the inside out, shaped for such a destiny through callous parenting and inconsistent praise. Mothered by the expert huntress Squirreltail and fathered by the undefeatable Graygaze, expectations were high for Bluekit. It could only be hoped that he might rise to match the prestige that his siblings, Black-kit and Silverkit, are sure to carry throughout their young lives.

As a kit, Bluekit was largely a cheerful creature. His siblings wallowed under their desperation for validation, but Bluekit was content to be himself. He thrived in his childishness and did not change for anyone, whether his father or his mother, or anyone else. Bluekit did not quite understand that his siblings did not view him as kin but as opposition. When his sister hissed and spat at him, he assumed she would feel content with his presence later. While his brother ignored him and pushed him away, Bluekit believed it to be playful and not a genuine attempt to be rid of him.

When Silverkit snuck into the forest to explore, Bluekit was intent to follow. The excursion was destined to end in tragedy. Playing in a mysterious hole became perilous when Bluekit awoke a fox. The kits ran. Finally, Silverkit pushed Bluekit down to save himself, damning Bluekit to death.

But the kitten did not die. His father and mother rescued him from the fox's clutches. He spent three moons in Shadepool's den on nestrest, delaying his warrior ceremony by a moon. His brother's ceremony was delayed as punishment.

On his seventh moon, Bluekit was renamed Lostpaw at his apprentice ceremony and was assigned to the elderly Rushbriar as his mentor. The young tom was left a defeated husk - and only through friendships forged and developing a respect for his mentor has he managed to continue forward in his training. And yet, despite trying his hardest, he falls behind over and over again. Even with his father dead, he somehow yearns for the tom’s approval despite never being able to obtain it.


In the next season, Lostpaw grows to slowly trust and admire Rushbriar, despite her old age and lacking fighting skills. They spent time hunting and talking about life skills, while other warriors would help Lostgaze grow to be physically stronger. Throughout the cold season, remaining active was a significant challenge for him, his body having atrophied after so many moons lying still in the medicine cat den and his shoulder never fully healing as it was before. Slowly, he learned mentally, but his body constantly seemed to lag behind.

His friendship with Pinepaw grew while his relationship with his family grew distant, especially when a flood displaced ThistleClan and forced them into RedwoodClan. In the storm, his brother was swept away. His mother and sister remained largely indifferent, but Lostpaw missed him dearly, trying to hold onto the last family member who spoke to him most.

On the tom's 17th moon, he was finally named a warrior. He received the name Lostgaze, in honor of his father and his injury in tandem. Pinepaw was named Pinesmoke at the same ceremony. The pair promised to one day dig their dens close to each other when ThistleClan returned to the vale, each being one of the only good friends of the other.

When the waters lowered, some cats who had been missing returned. Lostgaze's brother was not among them. He learned that Silver had forsaken his clan and apprentice name, becoming a rogue of the Northern Cliffs instead. The name of the rogue leader was a bitter one on his tongue, for, while she had not killed his kin, he felt that she might as well have in the eyes of his clan. They would never allow Silver back home, not with his betrayal.


Lostgaze has grown to dislike the bearstones and yearns to return to his birthplace. He sensed that the rest of ThistleClan was growing anxious until he realized that it was for a reason he had not anticipated. War was beginning to ripple along the RedwoodClan ThistleClan border - and Lostgaze only could hope not to get too caught up in it with the rest of his clan.